This is the first of a four-piece series promoting ways Connecticut residents can help overcome the political and social polarization dividing the United States.
I didn’t set out to join a cross-partisan movement. I just wanted to stop judging people by their bumper stickers. I consider myself a cynical optimist: expect goodness, plan for chaos. Maybe that comes from too many tech fails running fundraising events—or wrangling our family to church, only to leave in a scuffle, shame-jogging to the minivan while avoiding eye contact with parishioners.
Life shapes you. You show up with good intentions, while bracing for a wayward punch. Still hoping, deep down, that good will win.
Somewhere along the way, it wasn’t only the news cycle where grace fell short. Politics got louder. Tension arrived before dinner guests did. Judgment crept into grocery-store lines. Hope shrank. Rage grew. I didn’t like what it was doing to me—or to the people I love most.
Turns out, I’m not alone.
Politics has stopped being about policies and started doubling as a moral scoreboard. It comes as no surprise that nearly half of Americans say the opposing party is “downright evil.” It’s what researchers are calling the ‘perception gap’—our national habit of assuming people on the other side are far worse than they really are.
The result? A false sense that America is extremely divided when, in truth, most Americans fall into the Exhausted Majority—not firmly on the far right or left, just worn out. And yet, these voices rarely get heard. Outrage gets airtime, and solutions get ghosted.
So personally: I went quiet. Retreated. But silence isn’t peace.
Honestly, I miss the old chaos. Because even in that, we were feeling. Still talking. Not just texting headlines in a group chat and waiting for reactions. At least we hadn’t given up on each other.
That slow erosion of faith in people? It made me twitchy. I logged off most social media and switched up my news sources. Then I registered online for something called a Braver Angels ‘Depolarizing Within’ workshop. Soon, my newsfeed shifted—less doomsday, more human.
Guess what? Polarization sells. We—Americans—are the content being traded for our clicks. (Hmmm. Maybe this is something we can all agree on?)
Braver Angels started back in 2016—a nod to Lincoln’s plea for “better angels of our nature” on the eve of the Civil War. It’s a national nonprofit that carries that spirit forward—bringing Reds, Blues, and Independents together not to change minds, but to talk and listen to each other again.
I wasn’t met with judgment. They offered tools—like how to disagree without dehumanizing. Turns out, in heated conversations, I was the one throwing gasoline on the fire. Interrupting. Assuming. Labeling. Not my best moments.
To this day, when I feel myself starting to spiral, I hear Taylor Swift’s chorus: “It’s me. Hi. I’m the problem, it’s me.”
That realization led me to take their Families and Politics workshop—and WOW, did that one hit home. Both for the family I have today and the one I was raised in.
My dad was an affectionate and warm Republican—a Korean War vet and devoted watcher of war documentaries. He was also the guy who could finish The New York Times crossword in one sitting—in pen. He considered *M*A*S*H* educational TV; *Family Ties*? Basically communist.
My mom was a thrifty, natural caregiver—and sterner than Dad. A Democrat with an Irish no-nonsense attitude meant to keep us in line, but she’d wait until he fell asleep to secretly watch *Dallas*. (Too scandalous!)
They disagreed on plenty—but their love was never in doubt. They didn’t fit neatly into a red or blue box; their values weren’t branded.
Most Americans long for that kind of respectful—even loving—difference of opinion. We just need spaces—and people—brave enough to lead the way.
Now I help lead the Connecticut Braver Angels Alliance, working to spread these tools by convening and showing that we can live together, even when we disagree. We don’t show up to be convinced. We show up to connect.
So maybe the problem was me. But that means I get to be part of the solution. You can, too.
I welcome you to join us October 23 for a Braver Angels CT Zoom session.
[REGISTER HERE]
https://ctmirror.org/2025/10/17/i-was-the-problem-its-me-braver-angel/
